Hey there ...

Oh ya, wonder how JH and Char are ^_^
Hope their both enjoying themselves ^_^

Yup ... it's the time to feel depressed again.

Though today can be considered the last day of school, I am still very sad ...
Why ?
Family Problems.

Well ... ya it's bout different opinions and stuff, and I'm trying my best to be the judge, to listen to all the ideas and giving them a compromise thingy, but yea, it's hard to explain to an angry mob ...

Friend keeps scolding me too.
Saying stuff about me, making fun about me, saying about my looks, hinting that he thinks I'm stupid and stuff, saying I'm stupid, saying how I suck, and then saying how I suck to the core ...

I dunno if he mean it or not, because if we were just friends or strangers, I dun think I'd even care.

But the problem is, he is my close friend.
I'm always trying to help him, but this is what I get ..?
Whoa, not even a thank you, but a whole bag load of insults ...

Well .. it affects me alot.
Especially when people say I'm stupid.

Once, my mum or dad said I was stupid in a heated arguement.
Immediately, I was in tears.

Yes, I said, I retained, but how can you say this to me ?
I, ur son, the one who does what he can for the family, the one sticking u all together trying to make the happy-family image.

No ... I walked quickly into the room and locked myself, allowing myself to cry out loud.

No ... I'm stupid ...
Why ... I retained ... I'm so stupid.
Failure ... everyone hates me ... no self confidence ...
No one will ever like me ... I will never be happy ...
I will never get a girlfriend ... I will never do well ...
I'm a failure.

... Yup, you have just been pushed into my innermost thoughts, my heart of hearts, the mastermind of the mind, the ideas and feelings I wish I can just pour out to everyone.

But so far ... not many have tried to accept it and understand it, or even listen to it.
I am but the listener.

And people don't even tell me their problems.
No, I'm just a shadow.

No one believes and trusts me enough to tell me their troubles.
I try to tell, but no one listens.

I guess ...

What I ask for ( I guess a girlfriend I guess ), the requirements are easy ...

She doesn't have to be pretty, but must have a face I don't get irritated when I look at.

She must trust me enough to tell me her troubles

She must have patience and lots of guts to go out with me cos I'm mental

She must be prepared to hear my innermost thoughts

She mustn't find me boring ( tough one >.<" )

Erm ... and she must love me as much as I love her.

... yea.

.. cya
Wolffang scribbled at Thursday, May 27, 2004.